Review: We’re Not Getting A Dog at Alphabetti Theatre

“…if I find a show I am more moved by this year, I’ll be surprised… it was perfect…”

We’re Not Getting A Dog by Sam Freeman, Alphabetti Theatre

By Lauren Powell

We’re Not Getting a Dog, a show with minimal dogs, some Ewan McGregor and absolutely no asthma on a good night is a one-man masterpiece. It’s rare that I leave a show with absolutely no negative opinions, no niggles, not even any constructive criticisms. This 60-minute monologue was perfect. (even if there was no intermission – IYKYK) 

Sam Freeman opens with a bit of banter. Before the doors even opened, I noticed him walking around the bar chatting to people, making people who came on their own feel welcome, chatting up the bar staff and so on. “What a canny bloke,” I thought to myself.  Behind the mic, he opens with a bit of scene setting that I’d describe as stand-up adjacent. Then he launches into the most relatable account of a period in his life when he moved into a new neighbourhood. From buying a structurally cursed house to quirky neighbours, I saw myself and my partner in different skins. The story is cosy and familiar, and as he weaves in the lives of the people around them, I began to recognise other people I know. This list of doggy demands was identical to my mum’s before she got her dog. The old lady threatening to die at any minute could have been my gran. 

Now you might think that sounds a little dull, you might even think, “I don’t need to leave my house to see people I know, I can’t get away from them already!” but it’s the way it’s told. Sam utilises a pedal and a projector to illustrate his tale. He weaves in and out of his story, slotting in mysterious and haunting family photos, pre-recorded voiceovers to tell a parallel story, and illustrated images to tell another. This dynamic storytelling device sucks you in. It makes you want to know more, to keep you intrigued and, as the photos are revealed, it acts as a countdown to the climax. Sam also occasionally breaks the fourth wall, addressing the audience directly. He’s a master manipulator – he gets you to like him and then, before you know it, you’re also fond of his neighbours and you start to see where this story is going. 

I must say it matters where you sit. Our original seats would have had us situated almost behind the projector screen, and you really need a good view of it to get the full effect. Lucky for us, there were some empty seats we scooted into, so we got the full effect. The intimate nature of the Alphabetti is ideal for this sort of show, though. It’s truly something to be a part of an audience that felt so unified in the experience of attending this show. We’re Not Getting a Dog has a dream-like quality to it: it’s people you know but don’t know, it’s fragmented, it’s now and yet somehow nostalgic, it’s full of the moments of joy and connection we find in our daily lives and equally about loss and the absence that make these things meaningful.

At the conclusion of the illustrated story, I couldn’t help but start to cry and even now, as I’m recalling the stories to write this review, I find my eyes are damp all over again. 2026 is young, but if I find a show I am more moved by this year, I’ll be surprised. If you get a chance to see this, do not miss it, I don’t think I can be more clear, it was perfect. My editor occasionally allows me a cheeky 6 out of 5 stars for such shows. Forget the elusive 6 stars – this deserves a 10 (Ed. note: I’m being mean and only allowing 5!).

We’re Not Getting A Dog plays at Alphabetti Theatre on Wednesday 25 February.

Lauren Powell is a recovering academic from the North East of England. Currently residing in South Shields with her partner and two malevolent gerbils. Lauren is a short form writer who writes fiction as well as reviews. She has loved the theatre since childhood, and many years ago volunteered back stage with an amateur group, Stage Focus.  From one man readings to musical and beyond, Lauren can not get enough! You can find her on Twitter/X here.